Sexy is a state of mind
Ok ladies, do you remember that Justin Timberlake song, “bringing sexy back”? That song came out when I was in my 20s after I had two kids, so I still thought I looked good. I would joke when that song came on, and I would say, “honey, with me, sexy never left! Ha!” Fast forward two more children and a stressful job, I found myself not feeling so confident. I lost “my sexy”, my confidence. The worst part was this lack of confidence started to effect other areas of my life including affecting my relationships, social activities, and career.
A friend and I were talking about “getting my sexy back” after having my son. I was going on and on about how I have to get back into my workout routine and how exhausted I am with work and kids. I was complaining about how I look and the reasons why I can’t do anything about it. His response to me was simple, “sexy is not how you look, sexy is a state of mind.” I started laughing, laughing at myself really, because he was right! How could I have gotten so far away from what I already knew to be true, which included my values of loving myself first and believing in myself that I can achieve whatever I put my mind to. There is so much pressure that we put on ourselves and the society puts on us to look a certain way, especially looking “sexy”, but the most important action I could take is to go back to the basics of getting my mindset right and reminding myself that I am already sexy in my own way. My sexiness needed to come from the inside out in order to reclaim my power and being one sexy momma. Ladies, do ya feel me?
A sexy state of mind begins with your mindset
When we talk about brain hacks and retraining your brain, this is no different. A sexy state of mind begins with your mindset, which leads to self-acceptance leading to exuberating sexy confidence. First, you have to accept that you have the power to change your mind, your reality, and what you are willing to accept and not accept into your being. This is the most crucial point in owning your sexy power.
Let’s take my friend, Jane as an example (name changed for this article.) Jane was told she had a crippling illness and would never walk again. She absolutely refused to believe this against medical advice and opinion. Jane became relentless in her journey to better health. She began feeding her mind, body, and soul. She immediately became obsessed with finding out as much info as she could about healthy foods and diet, and mindset the body and health. She even started down her spiritual journey because she said faith was her crucial ingredient. Needless to say, Jane is alive, walking just fine, married to a wonderful husband, and even has three small children. Last year Jane ran her first marathon. Wow! The power of our minds when we decide what we will allow into our reality and not allow. To be clear, I am not suggesting that you don’t follow medical advice. I am sharing Jane’s story and what helped her overcome her barriers. She decided that not walking was not going to be part of her reality. It was not an option for her. She stated that negativity and limiting beliefs overcrowded her positive outlook and determination, as she put it.
Has anyone ever told you that you could not do something? And you proved them wrong? I sure did, lots of times! I was once told by a high school teacher that I was not going to graduate, and I “would never amount to anything.” It hurt my feelings, but I refused to accept that as my reality. Instead, I let that drive and hungry to prove them wrong keep me growing and elevating. It led me to graduate with my master’s degree from a highly ranked college while raising a family. You hear of stories all the time about people who are told they are never going to x,y,z (you fill in the blank), but they beat the odds with their mindset of determination and a positive outlook. Mindset is the most essential and powerful weapon you have.
Once you have decided what you will and will not accept as your reality the next step is to accept yourself. Accept yourself just the way you are in this very moment. This goes hand in hand with loving yourself. Accepting ourselves can be very difficult for us to do for a variety of reasons, such as low self-esteem, past traumatic events, feelings of inadequacies and shortcomings, oppression, fears stemming from stories we made up about ourselves and life as children, or that were told to us by others. You cannot change how you feel about yourself until you start from the inside. Sorry ladies, this is an inside job! What good is it to look hot and sexy if on the inside you cannot see your own worth and value?
A sexy state of mind is knowing your value and worth. Start by changing those running conversations you have with yourself. Have you ever actually taken a step back and heard the silly and defeating crap that you say to yourself? Sheesh, it’s no wonder there’s a saying that we are our own worst critics. It’s time to throw those conversations out the window and start being more accepting, forgiving, and loving with yourself. Start declaring this to yourself daily in the mirror that you are loveable and capable, damn it! I can’t stress enough how easy this is but the key is to do it as a daily practice and stay consistent. Reciting your power statement daily is a basic fundamental to retraining your brain and transforming. I have studied the top performers in various industries and found that they practice positive self-talk daily. Self-talk and self-monitoring their conversations with themselves equals an increase in performance. If you don’t like that simple power statement, choose your own that feels good to you. Make sure it is a positive statement, and you feel empowered when you are saying it. See yourself smile while you do this even though you might feel silly doing it, your brain is making connections. This simple exercise will also release the feel-good hormones in your brain and begin to rewire your brain patterns to that sexy state of mind.
That Dirty B Word
Now for the B word! I know, I know, I know we have that ugly B word we so often carry around- “baggage.” Let that shit go! Whether its resentment, anger, blame, doubt, guilt, a broken heart, you name it- If it does not serve you, then you have to release it in order to free yourself from its bondage that holds you down. Start by forgiving yourself, the other person, and release it to the universe. A powerful exercise is to write down on a piece of paper all that is no longer serving you. You can write words, pictures, journal out your feelings, or you can draw a big suitcase and, on the inside, write down what you feel your baggage is. The point is to write it down on paper and get these feelings out. Next, rip it up and trash it. Goodbye! Feel how good and empowering it is to release that baggage. Make your peace with it and say out loud, “ I release you!” Say this as much as you need to until you feel an actual energetic release.
Ok sexy, now that you released that ugly B word, it’s time to own you your power by naming your ego and kicking that bi*** to the curb. We tend to continually hold ourselves back by focusing on the negatives, what we don’t have, and why we can’t do something. Just how I did about being overweight and not having time to exercise or energy. This is because our ego likes to perpetuate fear that hinders us from believing in ourselves and our abilities by telling us we can’t, we aren’t good enough, it won’t go our way, yadda yadda, yada. What most of us fail to realize is when we focus on the reasons why we can’t, barriers, or the problems we have then we are giving it fuel to continue to exist in our lives robbing us of our sexy state of mind. Not only that but by focusing on the negatives we attract more of what we don’t want into our lives. I want you to name your ego right now. When that bi*** tries to high jack your thought process, I want you to stop, acknowledge it, call it by its name, and kick it to the curb.
More Mental Exercises
You might be wondering what else can you do to achieve a sexy mindset once you are aware of when your ego and fears are bringing you down. I like to practice a technique called change talk. Change talk means focusing on the reasons why you will and can achieve your goal, versus why you can’t or any barriers. Remember barriers start with the mind putting limits on yourself, and we want to tell (and retrain) your brain by telling it that you can and will. A good exercise is to list out your most important values, for example, integrity, love, making a positive impact, spirituality, being successful, being a role model for your children. Listing your core values helps to increase your self-awareness, which helps with clarity leading to increasing your confidence- a sexy mindset is a confident woman.
Second, list out your goals, such as buying a home, landing that dream job, losing 15 pounds, being sober, increasing your performance and income. Next focus and list out all the reasons why you will achieve your goal. Your reasons can include strengths, resources you have, resourcefulness, your support system, etc. Believe it is possible. You are worth it, you deserve it. Let the sexiness of this belief and your confidence radiate from your mind, body, and soul. Keep in mind this is not a goal-setting exercise. Remember this is one technique to rewire your brain to think a certain way and in specific patterns that will help you be successful. This exercise is setting your mind right so that you can achieve the confidence you want and obtain a sexy state of mind. You are capable, and you got this!
Another technique, that I found very empowering and effective with my clients as well as myself, is doing visualization meditations. Visualize yourself doing and feeling how you want to, being the person you want to be, interacting with others the way you want to. Imagine there are no barriers. Notice what that looks like, smells like, feels like. The possibilities are infinite so have fun and dream big.
Ok beauty, now that we discussed some simple strategies to get your sexy state of mind switched on let’s do a quick recap of the steps. 1. Accept that you have the power to change your mindset 2. Accept yourself as you are 3. Change the language you use towards yourself 3. Release your baggage 4. Retrain your thought process to focus on why you will!
These are simple and subtle changes, but they are long-lasting. If you remain committed to practicing them daily, then over time it will become automatic. Now get out there and flaunt your sexy… your mind and confidence!
If you know someone who will find value in this content please share it!
After you read this invaluable info on retraining and rewiring your brain on how to obtain that sexy confidence, in the comment section please share:
- Has there been a time when you were told you can’t do something and you proved otherwise?
- How does your ego interfere with your confidence?
- Tell me two things you want to accomplish and why you will!
Because you can’t underestimate the power of your voice, insights, experiences, and encouraging messages.
Thank you so much for reading, and sharing.
From one sexy sista to another ✌️,